Redefining Love

How can I put into words the things I love the most about my son? Does "everything" sum it up? Every day with him is a remarkable new discovery. Every time I breastfeed him I am overcome with love for that look in his eyes. Holding him as I walk from the car to the house, usually soothing him with words like, "I know" or "I'm gonna feed you right now," I hold his tiny head in my hands and can't stop kissing it. Walking into his room in the middle of the night and unwrapping his swaddled blanket so that I can pick up his tiny frame and kiss his cheek on the way to the changing table is one of my favorite rituals. Laughing at his burps, his farts, the way he grunts and twists as he pushes out his poop - these are things only a mother could love. And I do. I relish them all; every ounce of his 11.1 pounds.

His daddy is just as crazy about him. He comes home from work and after giving me a big kiss and hug, always asks, "Where's the little guy?" and wants to check on him if he is sleeping. When he leaves in the morning, he always tells Matthew: "Be good for your mommy!" (and he always is.) He looks forward to giving Matthew a bottle in the evening, which has included a formula supplement lately, and putting him down to bed. His dad has been happy to be in his life, and for that I am most grateful.

The bonus is that I am happy to have his daddy in MY life. Throughout my pregnancy I kept him at a distance and thought I could do this on my own if I needed to. But from the moment I got home from the hospital he has been my partner and supporter in every imaginable way - from feeding my cat and cleaning his litterbox to taking out my garbage and picking up groceries. The emotional support and his physical presence has been the most comforting aspect to me, even beyond the household help. The other day I was fighting the routine due to lack of sleep and I became overcome with emotions, and he rushed home from work to hold me and remind me that I am "doing an awesome job." He then ordered me to go to bed or go do something for myself for a few hours. I opted to spend time with him. He, in turn, said he was going to be in charge of the baby until midnight. Then he made me dinner and tucked me in at 8:30 PM. I slept so soundly until just after midnight, when Matthew awakened and I was more than happy to feed him myself. I felt so rested already - just those 3.5 hours of solid sleep truly did make all the difference, and the fact that he had ordered me to do it made me feel like someone was protecting and nurturing me just as I nurture our son every day. Could I do this all myself? I would guess, maybe. But I am thankful beyond all measure that I instead have him at my side, on this incredible journey with me.

We share love, emotional support, and a common interest in giving our son the best possible life. By that definition, we are family.